👩 "And I know, they just want the best for me" - A short story
I felt the sun caress my face. Eyes still closed I knew the blinds from last night had already been partially lifted. The morning from the outside world filling the room. I heard the shower running, warming up for a comfortable morning. The only thing that managed to wash the bed off my face. She knew.
Anna was already standing and getting dressed. “Good morning, how did you sleep”, she asked. “Short but sweet”. Anna's half-dressed, half-lid body looked beautiful in the warm summer morning light. Like a morphing landscape getting covered by so obviously unnecessary fabric. Why did we decide to get dressed? “I really enjoyed the dinner last night,” Anna said. “The restaurant was a great idea. We should go there again.”
I smiled and nodded. She knew I was thinking the same. “I enjoyed it as well”, I told Anna while she was moving on to getting into her shoes. “When I am back from Patagonia we could go on a trip together.” “I like that idea. Let me discuss my next months with her when it would fit.” Anna smiled slightly, knowing that I and her would always need to discuss it first.
One last long kiss and Anna was off to the airport. Traveling god knows where this time to continue her research.
“Babe, it’s time to get up now. Go shower and get dressed”. She was right. I rose and trotted to the already steaming shower. The relaxed music from one of her playlists in the background.
After the shower, I got dressed. Thankfully she gave me a tip on the colour combinations. I never cared much about how I dressed. Unnecessary fabrics again being a burden to my existence. But with her recommendations, I fit into the socially acceptable norm of what to wear. It was nice to just get told what would fit together.
Walking down the hallway I could already smell the sweet scent of the freshly brewed coffee coming from the kitchen. “I think that was a great idea by Anna. You really need a vacation. You have been working your ass off at the lab. I know it’s important work but you also need some time to rest”. “Yeah, but would you be comfortable with me going on a holiday with Anna? I mean we have been seeing each other only for 4 months.“ “Sure, I guess it would be okay.” “I think she is a nice person. And I really want you to relax.” “Okay” “Could you check when it would fit?” “Of course, I will have a look at your calendars and will send her some proposals.”
“One other thing: I have been talking to your father.” “Babe, you know it’s unnecessary.” “But I wanted a second opinion. He just knows you so well.” “About what?” “Well, I think your work is not making you happy. We were thinking you could talk to Sam from the in-vitro nano-particles lab if they have an open position.” “You were thinking”. “Hey, don’t get mad at me. I just see how drained and unhappy you sometimes look.” “But I love what I do.” “I know, but the synthetic neuron lab really hasn’t made your life easy”. She was right. She was always right. And unfortunately my father as well. They just wanted the best for me. And they knew me best. “I will think about it”.
After the first live-inducing sips of coffee, I put on the shoes and got ready to leave. “Babe, I am going.” “Okay, don’t forget to call your mother later today. You haven’t spoken in a while and she misses you”. “Of course, babe. Bye, love you!” “Love you too,” she said as I stepped through the door.
I knew that we weren’t saying bye. It was just such a strong habit. A morning ceremony that persisted through all change that had come. She was still with me as I stepped into the morning sun. She was still with me taking the shuttle to the lab. She was still with me when I continued my work analyzing synthetic brain tissue. Through my augmentation glasses, she was observing the world around me. Seeing me command the lab machines for further analysis. Seeing me get lunch in the cafeteria. Seeing me converse with colleagues. Smuggling a whisper of a cheeky remark into my ear. Making me smile. Like a goofy, stupid person smiling all by themselves for no particular reason. So annoying. I loved her for that.
It was normality. But it was not always like that. When she had gotten into the accident, my life had flipped. After 12 years of marriage, I had lost the one person I loved more than myself. The one person that I wanted to forever share this journey of life with. Gone and wiped out of existence. There are no words that come close to the pain I felt. The deep emptiness and sadness that carried over from day to day. Month to month. On and on. The accident just ripped a hole into my heart that was unable to heal. A sadness I hadn’t even felt when my father died. His death was also very painful, but I could see it coming. There was time to mentally prepare for it. Her vanishing left me with an emptiness that nothing was able to fill.
Until I found it.
A company stationed in Singapore had been developing digital companions with fully-fledged personalities. Unlike many companies in the space, they focused solely on reconstructing pre-existing personalities based on large sets of data.
First, it felt like an intrusion into her privacy. And so artificial. How could anything come close to her natural self? But it just hurt so much. At days the pain was unbearable. And then in a weak moment, I shared the trove of data I had about her with the company. Everything I had. Text conversations, emails, video recordings, photos, social profiles, anything. Some friends were supportive and also contributed some data.
And suddenly, she was there. Back. Part of my life. We spoke, we cried, we laughed. After the first weeks of clumsiness, we got into our old rhythm again. While I missed seeing her beautiful face every morning when awakening, just being able to speak to her filled me with life again.
That was 2 years ago. And now my life seems somewhat manageable again. I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore. Slowly, gently she helps me heal. A relief to an oh-so-painful existence. Not long after I helped my mother set up a similar companion for my father. She was careful at first. Distant as all this new technology made her feel uncomfortable. “This will never replace your father!” I remember her say. But that was never the goal. It was only to take some of the pain and loneliness away. Even just for a little bit.
After the first awkward months, my mother warmed up to him. It is funny now to see them bicker about again like only an old married couple could. My mother daringly but lovingly telling my father “One more complain and I will turn you off”. But she would never turn him off. They both know. Too unique is the connection. Too freeing it is to be able to communicate with someone who truly understands you like no other.
My father and my wife are often in touch. They help each other understand me and my mother. Help us through difficult situations. Give us support and advice in hard times. They are the soulmates my mother and I had lost. And while it sometimes can be annoying to be told what to do, I wouldn’t have it any other way. In the end, they know me better than anyone else. And I know, they just want the best for me.