🌊 Of fire & water

An exploration at the intersection

Best to be read listening to the song it was written to: Brightest Lights - Lane 8

The hills are on fire. Mere 100s of meters away flames consume plants and trees. Watching it from afar, I can hear it inhaling the vegetation and exhaling its black remains. The fire walks over dried branches making distinct sounds as it steps on wood and breaks it apart.

Behind me, the water crushes onto the rocks with all its might. Breathing its force onto the shore in its own rhythm. Seemingly trying to destroy the stones with every exhale. Giving it another go as it has relentlessly tried over the past 1000s of years. Eating away at them so imperceptibly slow that it seems a futile pursuit.

There I sit on the tightrope of life, dangling over the abyss. One side destruction, the other decay. Next to me, my heart personified. In awe of nature's force just as much as my mind is.

When two worlds collide, something new arises in the intersection. Old structures evaporate, new ones form from the debris. As I was sitting there on the intersection of natural forces as they inched closer I couldn’t help but notice how this image overshadowed my last months.

Just the past week I had explored the island of Madeira. Historically, when I thought about “exploration” a limited meaning came to mind. One of discovering new places and experiences. A meaning so anchored in the physical to be oblivious to its superficiality. In recent years, I became more attuned to a wider notion of what exploration might entail.

While exploring Madeira two different worlds were colliding. Hiking on a trail, driving through endless tunnels, exploring the place where cliffs meet the sky. While my companion and I were soaking up the ever-changing scenery, our minds were contemplating questions of nature. Locations visited become the canvas for reflections on the inner workings and self-definition. Perceptions, ideas, and emotions arose as constructs from the landscape we wandered. On a mountaintop, the question of free will was soaring through the sky. On a black beach, the emotional turmoil of the first heartbreak resurfaced from the water. Somewhere in an endless dark tunnel, the guiding light towards a meaningful life was questioned.

The experience of this uniquely beautiful world collided with our inner worlds. Two realities mixing and recombining. A whirlpool of views and visions.

Exploring new environments affects our minds. New impressions and experiences tend to widen our understanding of the world. Much could be understood from books. But up close and personal, experiences pair with emotions creating a potent mix to burn themselves into our memory. In addition, a new environment tends to loosen pre-existing cognitive conditioning. Widening the surface area that the new might use to imprint itself on. The outside world intersects with our inner representation of it. Influencing just a little the complete whole.

Amid all that flurry, another intersection was in the making. As the new environment around us pried us open, melting layer by layer away, it exposed more and more of ourselves to each other. Where before outside and inside worlds aided each other in exploration, now the inner workings of two lovebirds collided.

To choose to love someone deeply is an intersection. It is a trade. To probe deeply into somebody's world just as they enter yours. Many have said, "To love is a courageous act". And I understand now why. One needs to be courageous to lean in. To take the trade. To indulge in the warmth of each other's embrace. To lean into someone's personality and indulge in their light. In their unique awesomeness. And to enjoy all the beauty that comes with it. Support, confidence, companionship, love. Losing oneself diving into the endless inner expanse that is the other.

But with any trade, one needs to fulfil their part of the bargain. And that is to lead the exploration of the inner reality that makes up oneself. Because if one is not ready to show what is inside of oneself, how shall one expect to enjoy the universe that is the other?

So it means fully opening up. Making oneself vulnerable. To expose oneself to the chance of being hurt. By the other person or by their permanent absence. Hoping that this will not happen. Knowing that eventually, it may.

But honestly exploring each other worlds means being willing to show everything. Not just the good parts that we are proud of or at least okay with. But also the bad and the ugly that is uniquely in all of us. That is the bargain. That is the hard part.

Truly loving someone new is a self-exploration as much as an exploration of another person. It means facing up to the parts of ourselves that we don't like. To face our insecurities as they are being exposed. Not always to the other. But always to ourselves. The jealousy. Ashamedness. Ignorance. Self-centeredness. Fearfulness. Defensiveness.

“To love is a courageous act.” - “Yes, because it's damn scary! What happens if they see all of it? What if they don't like what they see? I mean, I don’t like all that I see. I don’t love all there is inside of me. How could I? So how on earth could anyone else?”

A deep-rooted worry surfacing from within: Once they see it all, the mirage is lifted. Seeing us for what we are. Less than perfect. Not enough to be loved completely. Because that is our contention. We do not love those sides of ourselves so surely nobody else will. So we tend to hide them from our own judging gaze and the world.

Truly loving someone triggers us to face them. Our shortcomings. To process them and learn to accept ourselves as a lovable forever work in progress. Despite our failings, to see what they see in us.

In the process, emotions will confront us endlessly. And so our aspirations knock on the door to ask for their payment: To put in the work. To confront our emotions. Not to swallow them, or to indulge. But to observe and process. And to accept and grow. It means working on oneself not just for oneself’s sake. But for the one, we love just as much. To be a better friend. A better listener. A better shoulder to lean on.

And what one gains is that none of that work will need to be done alone anymore. What has been a solitary pursuit becomes one of companionship. Joined striving arises. Forged through collaborative exposition, the individualities are deconstructed and rebuilt together. Patching each other up where necessary. Celebrating each other where meaningful.

Because ultimately, there is no certainty in exploration. Exploration means going out into the world curiously facing whatever the world throws at us. That’s why truly loving is a courageous pursuit. It is an exploration at the intersection. And as with any exploration, it means letting go and diving in. It means facing yourself to be able to face the other. And together to face the world.

As the tightrope is severed the worlds collide and the hills drop into the ocean. Water and fire combine to form a swirl of steam. From the smoke, a new world arises.